How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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