actually, I'm a sock model
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you traded sex for a burrito?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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