Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
