Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
