I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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