There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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