i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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