walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
