please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
