just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
