my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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