eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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