Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
