bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We're too hungover to prance.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
