I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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