i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
