My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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