Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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