Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
