My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
