He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
