I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
