Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
