Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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