She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
