There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Randomize
