i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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