Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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