Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
3pm strippers are depressing
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
