I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
