i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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