Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
