WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
