break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
