pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
