exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
