She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
