So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
