Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
