shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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