To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
