There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
