i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
