Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
