Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
