Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think I won the penis lottery.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
