So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
