i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
