you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
