my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
