yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
