she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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