No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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