You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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