why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
