I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
